I’m so nervous that it is difficult to sleep. Tomorrow I start working in a new store. As well as being a little excited about the return to work and the change of routine I an nervous that i will show myself up. I know I got though this every time something like this happens and in the end it is usually okay, but nevertheless it doesn’t lull the anticipation.
Tonight Rikki came over, he’s been having a hard time and it makes me realise that i am very self centered. I’m not the only one that has certain issues, everyone does, it’s the way you deal with them that determins the outcome.
Tomorrow I will put on my brave face and act myself as I always do when going into store. i will do some reserch when getting ready in the morning and prepare myself for the day ahead.
Oh and I must also purchase a pair of shoes to wear to Brittany’s Halloween Party from Marks and Spencers.
I have a lot to look ahead to.
Reflection
It occured to me today when rifferling through my old posts that it has been a substantual ammount of time since I had last posted my own thoughts and writings, what better time to reflect than on the day I turn 20.
Today I turned 20, physically I feel no different, but mentally I believe I do.
I haven’t visited the Butchers or the Bakers like I said I would - even though I live so close (refer to previous posts) but I have been so busy is has seemed impossible to fit it all in. I will endeavor to rectify this!
I have just had two weeks away from university and back at my parents house as I have been very ill. As much as I resent staying in bed all day it has given me the much needed rest my body so obviously needed after being so neglected over the last month. It has also cleared my head and enabled me to think.
I am a much stronger person than I was last year, I no longer depend on weekends spent in bed (refer to previous posts) or people to hold my hand.
Two years ago I never thought I would plod around University on my own, chatting to technicians. I never thought I’d see the day where I would walk into Starbucks and order my own coffee or even the day when I go to the Doctors on my own.
It all sounds terribly pathetic but due to anxiety I felt I could do none of these things and here I go proving myself wrong.
Tomorrow I am going to London to stay with my best friend, it should be fun and I hope I enjoy it. When we are together it feels alleviating as she is so confident and I am the opposite. I believe we bring each other to a certain level that is acceptable. I have learnt a lot from her, dare I say it.
Tonight is my final night of rest before a mad few days in celebration of my new age. i will take it as a celebration of a new me.
Now this has all been very self indullgent so I will end here on a positive note.
I am over the past and it really does mean nothing to me now, I’m all for the future and all that it shall bring. I am excited.
Things change. And friends leave. And life doesn’t stop for anybody.
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| — | The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via creampuff) |
